The Scars Remain

September 23, 2008 at 6:23 am (art, culture, life, personal, scars, story, tattoos, transformation, writing) (, , , , , )

Noah has a lot of tattoos..below you will find the story of a Tattoo series. I so appreciated having the time to hear Noah’s story about what had happened during that transitional time in his life, and while this story just skims the surface of the actual experience, it was fulfilling to hear how Noah dealt with the pain of that situation. God speed (and more tattoo stories to come from Noah, so never fear).

“When my mom saw this she said, “But it’s going to be that way forever.”

And I said, “Yeah, it is.”

So it’s a human heart with stitches. It’s about what it’s like to be in a relationship and that come apart and why. It’s about my ex-wife and our experience; I got it very shortly after getting divorced. I actually tried to get it while we were still together, but I wasn’t ever able to get the timing right. I would have to cancel, or the tattoo artist would have to cancel. It wouldn’t happen until I was already separated, so clearly it was really about that. But at that point it was such a horrendous experience…without going into great detail…the experience of ending that relationship and getting a divorce really left me feeling like my heart had been chopped up.

Getting this tattoo was about healing, and is about healing. It’s also about the awareness that when you get injured really badly, emotionally or physically, the scars remain, but you will get better. But you will always have that experience be a part of you. As massive as it was, the stitches are there to show that it is healing, but that it will always be there.

So it’s not a bloody heart with knives coming out of it, but it’s also not a healthy heart. Another piece was that anyone I was going to have a relationship would have to see it…it’s kind of a bummer I guess for them. But it was going to be something that was going to come up, and it was never not going to be there.

The secondary response to it, was a tattoo I was planning to get while still married, but didn’t get till several years later, the Back Off Kitty Cat on the back of my neck. Again, I was interested in the visibility of tattoos, and so I liked that it was going to poke out of my shirt all of the time, and people would know, “Hey there’s a tattoo under there.”

This black cat with it’s back arched is the typical cat fair of saying, “Stay Away.” Which is something I felt like I had to do that to people for a while afterwards. So it could be cute, but it also had the meaning of, “Hey, I need some space.”

A few years ago…. I got this tattoo, and this was my tattoo to say, “It’s getting better.” I had gone through a emotionally turmochulous storm, but there is a shining star that is visible and is saying, “There is hope.” This is one, hopefully of many, that will appear in the night sky after the storm has gone. It’s funny because people don’t think this is real because it is so intentionally faded and soft. But I really like that the star is in the negative space. So that was my beacon of hope tattoo. Maybe there will be more in that series.

For me, tattoos are about recording history. People come and talk to me about getting tattoos and wonder what they are going to like forever. But it’s not about that. When it’s about recording history, you will have always been that person, you will have always remembered that time, and it’s just a reminder to do things differently or do things the same. So if you’re recording history, you’re never going to regret getting a tattoo.

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It’s About Healing

September 4, 2008 at 1:21 am (art, culture, life, scars, story, tattoos, transformation) (, , , , , )

So much has happened in the last week…putting me to the test about how true I stand by my own tattoo that states change is for the better. I stand true!

Meanwhile, let me introduce Mim. She is none other than the mother of Noah (see below). An artist, a free spirit, and joyful person. She told me this story while I was in Richmond, at the salsa party she and Chuck hosted in their backyard. Ahhhhh…I miss those warm summer nights.

“Two years ago, on July 18 at 10:15 p.m., I fell.

I was jogging around the block with my dog. It was dark, of course, and the sidewalk was uneven with tree roots breaking through. I fell, dislocated my jaw and broke my arm.

I ended up with a big, heavy fiberglass cast. It was a helluva summer. I felt damaged, and worried that I wouldn’t be able to play the piano (for real, not a joke).

BUT here’s the crazy thing in all this, a month before I fell, my younger sister in California had fallen and broken her hip, and was on bed rest. I’d been on the phone with her every other day.
AND our cousin in San Francisco had fallen a month before my sister and broken her leg. The three of us formed a club- we talked daily, which we hadn’t before, and our relationships became closer.

When my cast was removed, I was fascinated by my scar. The line, not quite straight, with the little white points on either side from the stitches, and the indentation on the side where the long pin had held the bones in place.

I started to think about getting a tattoo around the scar. I looked at a lot of images, thought about what I wanted, but 18 months later, I still had sensitivity in that area of my arm.

While visiting my sister, we both got small purple hearts, me on the arm that had been broken but on the outside. But I still wanted one on the inside of the arm. A few months later, while getting my hair cut, I looked down at my lap, HA! I have TWO arms and thought, ‘do the tattoo on the other arm’.

I am very happy with this newest tattoo. It’s about healing, about being happy, being alive, being aware of all I have to be grateful for, about peace and when I open up to people, they can see it. I love that it wraps around my arm so that people can glimpse it but not see it fully until I extend my arms.

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Influencing the Landscape

August 22, 2008 at 9:58 pm (art, culture, environment, life, photography, scars, tattoos) (, , , , )

When I was in Cambridge, landscape photographer Alex Maclean was kind enough to take some time out and chat about his work and explore the concept that there is a relationship between scarring and tattooing the body and scarring and tattooing the earth. We ended up getting waylaid by trying to define what differentiates an earth scar from an earth tattoo? We decided that when speaking about the earth, one is permanent, and one is not. I’ll let you guess which is which. Meanwhile…a few of Alex’s photographs

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This is who I am..forever

August 21, 2008 at 6:57 am (art, culture, life, scars, story, transformation) (, , , , , )

I went to high school with Noah! It was a treat to hang out with Noah when I was in Richmond, and he was kind enough to play hooky and hang out with me when I ran around getting interviews of other folks you will meet soon. He is a talented artist, graphic designer, and activist. His most recent project is Skull-A-Day… absolutely worth checking out, as well as his home grown socially conscious graphic design and consulting company Another Limited Rebellion. Noah taught me something, and I’m not sure I ever thanked him for it…the power of saying “we” when pitching new ideas.

“Knuckle tattoos are very specific in our culture. Who has knuckle tattoos? Serious hard-core punk rock folks…there is a choice being made when you get knuckle tattoos to very specifically remove yourself from a certain segment of society. You will never be a banker. Well…probably…never be a banker. The world is changing.

These tattoos were a 30th birthday present to myself. 30 is a charged year for people. I like to turn those kinds of things on it’s head because I think it’s a load of crap, but at the same time I think it’s hard not to have a response to it. I found a mug when I turned 30 that said, “30…over the hill.” And I think 30 was over the hill…a long time ago. Now..it’s nothing. I think people don’t realize until they are in their 30, that it’s young. But when you’re younger…life ends when your 30…because that means you are going to be old. Which is funny because that means that you’ve got from 21-30 to have all your good times… apparently.

So for me then 30 is when you are a grown up. So I got mine at 30 as a way of saying…this is it…this is who I am…forever.

I had been thinking about it for a long time. There is something really gratifying about tattoos that are always seen, and there is no avoiding it. That was important to me. I wanted something that was going to stand out in that way.

I had already gotten most of my tattoos by the time I decided to get my knuckles done …but really had an urge..I had to get them…and I needed to find something that fit the 8 spaces you have to fill.

I had already gotten most of my tattoos by the time I decided to get my knuckles done …but really had an urge…I had to get them…and I needed to find something that fit the 8 spaces you have to fill.
One day I was in a store and I saw someone had a tattoo of the I Ching on their arm. Taoism is very important philosophy to me and is very essential to my spirituality. For a while I used the I Ching as a tool for learning more about myself. I stopped eventually, I didn’t want to know about the future anymore, I was totally satisfied with the now, and I didn’t care to get that advice anymore. But I really loved what it was about, that all of the elements in the universe are interconnected. And that everything affects everything else. So how you throw these coins and sticks and how you divine the I Ching is because of how it is all connected. That really resonated with me.
So these are the 8 trigrams that are the 8 central components to the I Ching.

Because I work on the computer all day, every two key strokes… is a hexagram. So I am constantly making my future, my world, through the work that I do.
What’s interesting is that it has not gotten a dramatic response. Most people don’t comment on them. I think they feel like they are being polite by not saying something. The people that do…is the little only lady who says, “That’s so nice.”
And I think, really? OK. Wow.

I have hard time explaining them to people because it is too complicated. I’ll say, “Those are the Trigrams of the I Ching”. And there are three words that people don’t know. And then I say it is an ancient divination system, using more words that people don’t understand.

The funniest response I got was from some punk rock people who felt like they were odd in that I hadn’t done them in the right order. Normally you get all these tattoos down your arm, and you have filed up your body. And then, all that is left is your knuckles. You have already committed to the body suit of tattoos, and this is the last frontier. But the last frontier is here already. This is what I want now. And boy did that satisfy me, I got them, and you know that urge I told you I had? Well I am done with that for a while. This is really there. These aren’t these hidden-underneath-my-shirt-underneath-my-pants thing that a lot of tattoos end up being.
I don’t want to cover them up.
This IS me.

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What is this blog about?

August 12, 2008 at 2:52 pm (art, culture, life, scars, story, tattoos, transformation) (, , , , , , , , , )

Many people spend their lives skimming the surface. It’s habitual: chatting, exchanging pleasantries, repeating the patterns of the day, and yet many of us are also desiring of the meaningful interactions, the deeper connections, the experiences and adventures that leave you with a story to tell. We are cut from the fabric of our parents, our hometowns, our initial experiences. But throughout our lives we sew those pieces together, and it is in the redesign, redirect, reallign, of our lives, and how we choose to tell the story of our lives… that is what weaves our creation myth.

This blog is designed to scratch the surface in order to explore the things that have left a mark, perhaps accidentally, perhaps on purpose. It explores the stories we tell, how we share them, who we tell them to, and how we live and die with them. I believe in the power of story telling. That when one person’s truth is told, than universal truths are discovered that cross race, religion, and age.

This blog, hopefully with your help, is also designed to explore if their is a relationship between how we tattoo and scar our bodies, and how we are tattooing and scarring the planet.

I find the submissions through people I know, people I meet, people I pursue, and hopefully…you. So please, scratch the surface, tell me what lies beneath.

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Identifying Marks

August 10, 2008 at 2:45 pm (culture, life, scars, story, transformation) (, , , , , , )

Greg is the first person to submit his own story in his own words. He is a talented poet, teacher, and senior editor of Blackbird. He also knows of the some of the best swimming holes to be found in Virginia!

“When I was a small boy I lived in the big city of St. Louis, not far from the shadows of the Anheuser Busch brewery where my father worked as an office boy, delivering mail and running errands. It was the 1950’s, my parents were young and poor, and we lived in a one-bedroom shotgun apartment on a street lined with tall, white-trunked sycamores, still one of my favorite trees. I slept on a small bed that was tucked into the area beneath the stairs leading up to the apartment on the second floor. Like Harry Potter, yeah—him with his famous scar.

One day when I was almost five years old (and pretending to be older), I was out playing with some of my scruffy friends—they were old enough to be in kindergarten and first grade—and we took our usual shortcut through a vacant lot down at the end of our block, a quick way to get to the back alley. Someone had been burning tree limbs and leaves there among the patchy grass and rocky dirt, and had piled it all right on the path that we always took at a run through that lot. That day we paused to look at the ashes and a few still-unburned limbs and logs that were lying there, grey and strange, poking around in them, not realizing that those ashes were concealing still-live embers of the fire. I was a curious and tough little boy, always getting into everything, always wearing out the seat of my pants playing and sliding around on the concrete and in the dirt. As I stood there looking at the ashes, the pants leg of my brand-new Sears Roebuck heavy-duty jeans, which I was wearing for the very first time, caught on fire. Later, my parents would carefully school me in the idea of dropping and rolling to put out such a fire, but at that time I didn’t know what else to do other than what I did, which was to run, screaming that I was on fire. Running with your clothes on fire—the worst thing you can do.

I’ll pause here to say that, even though I was unaware of it at that time, I was an adopted child, and this story may perhaps answer some questions some of you may have about that—or about what it means to be a mother. My mother, an attractive young blond-haired woman named Barbara, the woman who had adopted me, was in the kitchen, ironing in the summer heat with the back door open. When she heard my screams from nearly a block away, she tore out the back door, ran up some stairs to the back yard, leapt over the back fence and came running down the alley towards me. When she saw my pants leg on fire, she took hold of the jeans at my waist and in a single powerful motion she ripped those jeans right off my body and tossed them aside, like some sort of superhero. She grabbed me up in her arms and carried me up the street in my underwear, and both of us remembered later that one of the neighbor women was standing there looking over the back fence, clucking her tongue at a boy appearing in the alley in such a state of undress. My mother took me home and bandaged my badly burned leg, asking me the whole time, what did I think I was doing, walking through the live embers of a still-burning fire? Later, when she pulled the bandage away, it came off with a big chunk of flesh, shocking us both. That area on my leg still has no feeling whatsoever today.

Back in those days before DNA identification, an important way to identify criminals and missing persons (and lost boys) were “identifying marks”—and one of mine is that scar on my leg. If I’m ever in a plane crash or train wreck, that’s one way my body could be identified, and I used to think about that some times. Even now, when I run my fingers over the scar that has no feeling, now with both of my parents dead and gone, I think about all that it tells me about myself, and I’m glad to have it, a mark of identity.

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Scaring and Tattooing the landscape

August 8, 2008 at 1:56 pm (art, culture, environment, life, scars) (, , , , , )

I was completely enamored with Virginia. The gentleness of warm summer nights. The sense of abundance that comes when every alley way, backyard, and side road is bursting with some green thing. The land is rich and fertile, and at moments I feared if I stayed too long in one spot, the Kudzu and Virginia Creeper would grow right over me. I was also more than impressed by how much the city is growing; the downtown transformed from abandoned and desolate to booming and busy. My favorite comment was made by a friend while walking down Broad Street during the art walk. “There are even white people on the street.” Yes, things are changing in downtown RVA. Meanwhile, I had a few opportunities to explore some tattooing and scarring of the landscape. A trip to Maymont, one of my favorite parks on the planet, provided an opportunity for the first exploration of this concept. I got a kick out of how this picturesque view had an additional point of view.

I fell in love with this tree the second I saw it, but then a closer look proved that it would be the prefect way to initiate the discussion about scarring of the earth.

Meanwhile, a bit of exciting news, I have received three submissions for stories, (I confess, I made requests for each of them…) but more stories are on their way,

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Busy in RVA

August 6, 2008 at 12:25 am (scars) (, )

There are so many scars and tattoos in Richmond, VA! Today I ran around town interviewing Noah Scalin, Dave Brockie, and Jack of JackGoesForth. I am looking forward to posting their stories, and am posting the pictures on Flickr this evening.

Meanwhile, I recently learned of a new kind of scar. It is a form of branding used in African American Fraternities. I am fascinated, and would love to hear the story of someone who has this kind of scarring.

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I’m a fat head

August 3, 2008 at 5:24 pm (culture, life, scars, story, transformation) (, , , , )

I met Mary a few years ago through friends of friends. She is close to people I hold dear to me, and is a straight talking true southern spit fire. After the story you see below, she told us about another scar she got when she was five while playing, “cocktails” . A true southern belle.

“This scar is from a brain tumor.

The best kind of brain tumor you can have if you’re going to have a brain tumor. They took a circular saw and cut out part of my scull and peeled back the skin in order to remove the tumor. The tumor was growing out of my acoustic nerve, so they had to cut it during surgery. So now I am deaf in my left ear. Speaking of doctors that you hate (referencing Nathan’s comment below), my doctor told me, “Well, since you have such a major hearing loss anyhow, you won’t miss it.” (I had 20% hearing loss before the surgery). But I do miss it. I really miss it.

To fill where the tumor was, they took fat out of my stomach. It was the size of a golf ball. I’m not happy about the divot, but I’m glad not to have the tumor anymore.

I can’t tell what the scar from my surgery looks like because it is not in my line of vision. But the divot in my stomach reminds me of the brain surgery all of the time. It makes me think I’m a fat head. That was an insult my father used to use all the time…and now it has become literal.

The scars are the map that help me remember the major events that have occurred in my life. “

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Forced To Fast For Peace

July 31, 2008 at 3:57 pm (art, culture, scars, story, tattoos) (, , , , , , )

I went to a potluck of old friends at Raasa’s farmhouse in Ashland, VA. I couldn’t help but pull out the camera and start asking for stories. This crowd had stories about scars. The following bit is Nathan Long’s stories. Odd, after knowing him for 5 years, and living with him, I never think of him as having so many scars.

Nathan is a talented writer (http://www.failbetter.com/28/LongDevil.php?sexnSrc=Latest), an extraordinary cook, and a lovely person to have around (unless you don’t like puns).

“My scar is from my first drinking story from when I was three months old. I had Pyloric Stenosis, and was projectile vomiting because my lower stomach muscle closed. The Dr.’s had to operate and cut out a section of my stomach. When the Dr. was finished, he handed me to my mother,

which was when she smelled scotch, and believed that he had been drinking. I guess he saw the worried expression on her face, and he said, “No no, I gave it to the baby. A small child can die from anesthesia, so I gave Nathan the scotch.” So that’s the first time I drank.

When I was 20, I saw someone with this same scar, and it was exciting to see that.

When I was twelve I had a bump under my nipple, and so I went to the Dr. to get it removed. He didn’t tell me how it was going to be removed, and I assumed that he was going to cut under the nipple, but he actually cut through it.

I was twelve, in the hospital, and when I pulled off the bandage, and my nipple was all bloody. And I was furious. When we back a few weeks later, the Dr. said oh, (referring to the numbness), you are going to hate me for the next six month, but then it will be over. And I remember thinking, “No. I am going to hate you for the rest of my life.” And I do.

And this is from my ruptured appendix.

It had been ruptured for over two weeks by the time I got to the hospital, I was swollen with infection. They operated, and there was a 50/50 chance of surviving. After the surgery my stomach continued to stay swollen. Even though I hadn’t eaten in three days, the nurses said, “As soon as you poop, we’ll give you food.” And I said, “But I’m not going to poop until you give me food.” And this went on for ten days. Since I knew that they weren’t going to give me food for a while, I thought, “Well, I am already fasting; I might as well fast for a purpose,” and put a sign above my bed that said, “Fasting For Peace.”

Oh and this scar is from a bad novel! (He is referencing the scar beneath his belly button). When I was in the hospital someone brought in the results from the contest for the first sentence for the worst story in the world (http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/). It was the first spring at the nuclear winter, we knew because the lawn had just eaten it’s first robin. I was on Demerol, and I started laughing and laughing, until my side split open.

I like scars; I’m glad that they resist (but I could do without the one below my belly button).”

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